Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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