Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
