so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Randomize
