wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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