I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
