got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
