Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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