my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
