I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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