Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
