you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I stole a fireplace last night.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
