drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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