bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
