Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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