We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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