Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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