The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
