I bet he comes in French.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
