no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
false alarm, still single
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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