dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
