There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
