I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
