All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
