He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
