well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
He better not be in your backpack
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
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