i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
