i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
