i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
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