I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
