Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
