Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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