You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
