Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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