Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
