Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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