Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
