what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
