totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
