She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
