someone threw a dead crab at me
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I smell stomach acid.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
