we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
