I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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