He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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