a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
