You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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