She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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