just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
