i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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