I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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