There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
